10 Best
08.07.2011, Words by Ruth Saxelby

Dogs doing lists #3: Bohemian Rhapsodies

  1. Dogs sighing, “Any way the wind blows…” and shedding a single tear as a mushroom cloud engulfs the visible background.
  2. Dogs standing in the rain outside the Osama bin Laden compound, holding high a boombox playing “You’re My Best Friend”.
  3. Dogs crashing the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee and lifting the dome cover on a silver platter to reveal Edward Said’s head, trilling menacingly, “I am a sex machine ready to reload.”
  4. Dogs double-checking their programs as Charles Barkley takes the stage at Wembley and hums the opening bars of “Fat Bottomed Girls”.
  5. Dogs halting their flight from czarist troops to watch the cast of Glee sing “Somebody to Love” on the Potemkin Stairs, and gesturing “call me” under a hail of bullets at Finn Hudson.
  6. Dogs humming “Your Song” as Don Quixote topples the Moulin Rouge.
  7. Dogs placing their ear against the outer edge of the universe and, on hearing “Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?” faintly sung, rending the fabric of Being to bellow, “IT IS JUST FANTASY.”
  8. Dogs walking in on Brian May filling a barrel of corpses with lye, and hastily closing the door, explaining, “The maestro is decomposing.”
  9. Dogs issuing a final, tubercular cough and revealing on their handkerchief a portrait, in blood, of Cecil Rhodes standing astride all Africa.
  10. Dogs setting Freddie Mercury’s sleeping body adrift in the Gulf of Lune at the conclusion of the Third Age.

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