10 Best
31.08.2012, Words by Ruth Saxelby

Dogs doing lists #31: Pop Up Video

  1. Dogs hurling buckets of trash onto the stage at the MTV Video Music Awards, announcing solemnly, “POP UP VIDEO.”
  2. Dogs headbanging with whiplash-inducing enthusiasm along with the controversial video for that song Firestarter by noted English electronic dance group The Prodigy, and failing to notice a looming text box explaining to all concerned, “None of the claims in these lyrics has been verified by science or reason.”
  3. Dogs watching your life flash before your eyes and nodding wide-eyed in distracted agreement as a superimposed paratextual graphic intrudes briefly to observe, “This is the saddest story I have ever heard.”
  4. Dogs examining a body crushed by the weight of hundreds of miniature commentary bubbles, observing, “This was a life well lived.”
  5. Dogs wrenching free an ACME brand pop up bubble from the center of the universe, and glaring into an absent camera as all existence suddenly drains out through the newly created hole in reality, sputtering, “You’re all desthpicable.”
  6. Dogs retching violently through the distortion waves of a hangover as a series of tiny hovering graphical displays stream images of empty liquor bottles.
  7. Dogs thinking fondly back on the 1990s, a simpler time, when everyone you knew was talking about being in a band and getting piercings, when selling out was a problem, you thought, when you could have dreams untainted by ambition, when you could hang out in record stores and neglect to button your flannel shirt but still feel tortured by a seeming culture-wide, decadent, paralyzing self-consciousness—a gentler time, when you never thought angry thoughts about politics for more than like twenty minutes and were comforted by anodyne popular songs on cable television, before this repressed thought was intruding massively on your memories and exploding now into your awareness and breaking over your face, “OH FUCK, EVERYTHING IS MORE HORRIBLE THAN I EVER IMAGINED.”
  8. Dogs embracing a jaunty graphical display blaring endless informational static and confessing tearfully, “YOU COMPLETE ME.”
  9. Dogs receding into a black hole to find a final speech bubble extending perpetually across the universe, explaining, “IT WAS THE WORST OF TIMES.”
  10. Dogs gesturing toward the evacuated wastes of all culture as a so-called info nugget demands, “I mean, who is the audience for this?”

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