10 Best
11.11.2011, Words by Ruth Saxelby

Dogs doing lists #12: Missed Connections: #OWS 4 RADIOHEAD (Zuccotti Park)

  1. Dogs stepping timidly up to address the General Assembly and announcing, “Radiohead isn’t coming,” and waiting as the Human Megaphone amplifies the statement’s implied content, “WHAT? WHO CARES.”
  2. Dogs blindly following Snidley Whiplash as he leads a rally directly into the Hudson River, and halting as he suddenly receives Enlightenment and admits aloud, “I’m a creep.”
  3. Dogs waking in an empty operating room after identity reconstruction surgery and pleading through the hissing gas of an anaesthesia mask, “Don’t leave me high!” as Burgess Meredith carts past on an unattended gurney waving an empty martini glass, urging, “Don’t leave me dry!”
  4. Dogs thoughtfully cradling a DynaTAC 8000X before smashing several buttons at once and optimistically chirping into the oversized receiver, “Hello, wealth?”
  5. Dogs remarking, “THE INFRASTRUCTURE WILL COLLAPSE,” as King Kong issues a primal scream from the black-and-white depths of 1933, climbs One World Trade Center and gestures longingly toward Jersey City.
  6. Dogs presenting a bill for the years 1955-Present taped to a plain, sparking bomb labeled BOMB to The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit and stripping him of his clothes, shouting, “Karma Police, arrest this man!” as he topples over in his skivvies, protesting, “Do you know who I am??”
  7. Dogs shouting through a megaphone, “xa2 + xb2 = xc2,” and waving a wand with fervor as Hipster Cop bursts into flames and warns before expiring, “HE TALKS IN MATHS.”
  8. Dogs pulling a receipt from an ATM reading IN THE END WE’RE GONNA CRACK YOUR LITTLE SKULL and realizing this is probably the alternate reality in which George Bailey never lived.
  9. Dogs indicating a row of skyscrapers, declaring, “There’s gold in them thar hills,” and eagerly depressing a plunger.
  10. Dogs setting a reality effects dial to NO SURPRISES, and observing Rich Uncle Pennybags emerging from a steaming DeLorean and promptly bumping into Uncle Scrooge, and explaining to the Federal Time Traveling Commission as both hand-illustrated Uncles suffer simultaneous heart attacks and violently convulse and expire in a pair of profanity-laced tirades, “They don’t speak for us.”

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